Shutters Pangs.

It's a little crazy to think that even at this point in my life I find it hard to think of things to write about.
I'm engaged, for goodness sakes!!
The truth is that I have about a million thoughts in my head at all times - I mean, I guess we all do.
I just don't often know how to write them in a way that makes me happy with the outcome.
I really do think that writing is super therapeutic. Whether the words that are coming out are deep or meaningful or not.
Heck, I write about writing itself more than anything else.
Moving on.
I've been really missing holding a camera. Working at a portrait studio, I held one every day. Most days, I took a priceless memorable picture that someone would cherish forever. Whether of themselves, their child, their dog or their friend. I didn't really realize how much that defined me until just recently. I thrive on creating those memories for people.
I'm working full time, planning a wedding, learning how to be a fiancée that doesn't live 1,000 miles away from her soon-to-be husband and really working to surround myself with friends. It seems that taking pictures has become a way-way-after-thought. But clearly, for my own happiness, I need to make it happen.
I have the opportunity to take pictures of people for my own enjoyment and give them memories as a gift. While doing that, I can take advantage of growing and learning and building.
I'm not good at sticking my neck out there. And in the same way that I'm sure artists get nervous before their gallery opening or a singer before their big debut... it's nerve racking to say "hi, I'd love to take an hour or so of your free time" and then hope to give them something that they feel made that loss of precious time worth it! It's incredibly intimidating. But, I'm working on that.

Here are a couple of my favorites that keep me inspired lately:

Goodnight, moon.

It's the first thing that most mom's worry about when they have a new baby. I think it's even talked about more then feeding. You want to establish a good schedule. Good habits. Some people chose silence, some people choose music or white noise. Some parents have monitors, others don't. Most parents have bedtime routines.

Where did my routine go?

I'm not the sleeper I once was. 

Some things haven't changed: I can still fall asleep anywhere and sleep through just about anything. I still adore naps. I'm definitely still a night owl. 

But the truth is, 5 years ago, I was able to accomplish more on less sleep. At least it felt that way. Maybe it's just  the way daily life has changed, or I'm more stressed... either way it's time for a change. 

I finally bought a sound machine. I've been wanting to for years, literally. But I think I knew that if I bought one I'd have to stop falling asleep with a movie or show playing. It's such a bad habit, but it's what I'm used to.
So, like I did when I was a kid, I'm establishing a routine.
I'm going to take a hot shower, drink some tea, turn on my sleep playlist, read a book, start my sound machine and drift to sleep.
Hopefully, I'll fall asleep faster every night and get to a steadier deep sleep.
Do you have any pre-sleep rituals?

Here are some articles I've read that have helped make breaking my bad habit easier:

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/104/3/e27
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/how-light-affects-our-sleep/

http://www.sleepfoundation.org/alert/lights-out-good-nights-sleep

Wishing For Spring:Cleaning

It's no secret that there is snow everywhere. I know it's making everyone a little antsy for Spring, green grass and flower blossoms. I for one just want to be outside. I want to get to take the girls to the park! I'd be lying if said I haven't had nightmares of breaking news stories stating that the snow will never melt. The reality is that it will take a while - and all this restlessness has brought about a need for me to arrange, organize and clean out!

> I started with my Gmail Inbox which had over 1,500 unread e-mails...
> I went on Facebook and removed some people and applications from my news feed. Believe me, if you are reading this, you are not one them! It just makes me Facebook more exciting to look at.
> I unsubscribed from e-mailing lists that I never read, stopped Facebook from e-mailing me every time someone does anything on Facebook. And a couple other things like that.
> I cut the "people" I follow on twitter from 180 to 60. Follow me: @melissascanlon :)
> I deleted all my text message on my phone. I text more then I talk, and they just pile up and sit there. I think it really freaked my phone out.

Still to do....

> I've got to organize my music. I like to have a nice and organized iTunes. I like to add album covers and everything. Plus, I really need to go music shopping! So, once I'm all done I'll add to my collection, in an orderly fashion. Any suggestions???

 And of course, last but not least....

> I've got to organize, edit and sort through so many pictures.

I'm hoping that my "Need for Clean" (high five) will continue when I get home. I've got tons of stuff that still needs organizing at home. Clothes, DVDs... I need to decide what to put in the garage so that I have more space in my room.

I know this is all really thrilling information for everyone, but this is my favorite part about having a blog. I can't write about whatever I want. Writing this blog saved my mom from having to listen to me yap about all of this over the phone - so I know she's grateful!

Wife...Me?

There is no pretty way to say this... but, I've never thought much of myself in the role of a wife. I'm still learning how to be friend... I've been spending so much time worrying about being a girlfriend... I've always known I wanted to be a fiancée for as long as humanly possible... And goodness knows I've got the bride role down...

But, a wife.

I'm too stubborn. Too independent. I'm selfish with my time. My heart can be pretty guarded. I love being alone.  I want to be in total control of my life. I'd rather watching nothing at all then something I'm not in the mood too watch. I'm too messy. I like to argue, win and have the final say. I move like an earthquake when I sleep. I hate mornings. I love my last name.

I have amazing examples of wonderful, loving, patient, honest wives all around me... most people would be inspired. I find myself mostly intimidated.

I've really been thinking about this a lot lately.

"It's going to happen soon."

"I can't have it all figured out, right away."

"Why doesn't he seems more nervous about being a husband?"

"He's going to be my husband. How amazing. He's going to be the perfect husband for me."

It was that train of thought, and a very specific incident last night with Tyler that really opened my eyes...

It was a full on Oprah-Ah-HA!-Moment.

It's just not about being a wife. It's not about the cookie cutter image that a wife is projected to be by... whoever. It's about being his wife. It's about marrying and spending the rest of my life with Tyler.

And that is a much less intimidating thought.

I can turn my selfish self into someone who lives to care for him. I can be his other half. His partner. His wife.

He couldn't possibly make it any easier for me.

He secretly likes how stubborn I am. He's just as independent as I am. "My" time seems so lost without him. He tore through my guard a very long time ago - and even though it might inch up every now and again, he's a pro at making it disappear. Besides the fact that being with him is sometimes better then being alone, he likes his alone time too. We're constantly teaching and reminding each other that we can't be in control of every aspect of our life. He tends to let me pick what we watch. I like cleaning, laundry-ing, dish washing-ing for him. He lets me argue, pretend I always win and he just leaves me laughing. He keeps me calm and steady. I love the thought of waking up next to him. I can't wait to be "Mrs Cameron".

Monday, Monday.

Dear Sunday, 

  Thank you for letting me sleep in.

Dear Monday, 

  I'd forgotten how powerful your wrath is. 

Like many people out there, I started working in High School. And while it was the greatest job ever, my weekends were filled with work...and pretty much have been since then. I've worked in a retail type job since the summer before my junior year of high school. A bakery, a portrait studio, a coffee house, a portrait studio. There were a few months between the first portrait studio and the coffee house that I was a nanny and had weekends off, but when my hours were cut down, I started part time at the coffee house. In Georgia, I was a nanny and a manager at a portrait studio. I worked most weekends and from 7am to 9pm most days. It was too much, obviously. But, I got used to it. Luckily for me, I get a fresh start and a new schedule. A new schedule that gives me weekends off. Don't get me wrong - I'm loving getting to jump on the "TGIF" bandwagon, but my mind is being whipped back to those dreaded Mondays in Middle and High School - having just crammed as much fun as I could into my weekend, kicked sleep to the curb - having to face my alarm clock... in most cases, Mom knocking, yelling.  I don't know how it is that I didn't wake up to things being thrown at my face every morning. I pray that some how my kids are Early Risers. Unlikely. 

To be 4 again...

One Track Mind: No Stops In Sight

Do you ever feel so completely engulfed by one particular thing in life you find yourself dreaming about it? Thinking about it every second? Doodling notes that turn out be have no productive value to them? Google-ing until your google-digits are sore? Looking at pictures? Weighing every decision? Considering every option?

Do you ever find yourself to be in a situation where you know people are assuming you will be one way...let's use: picky, irritable, unable to know when to shut up, obsessed, paranoid, particular, or in some way channeling Godzilla, or any Zilla for that matter...  so you do everything in your power to be anything but! Avoid the topic, lack in opinion, calm, open, realistic, and doing anything you can to avoid any Zilla reference you can! It's kind of exhausting. Especially, when you take into consideration that, most of the time, I can be someone who avoids talking about me, lacking in opinion about some things, fairly calm, and certainly realistic... I don't know why I'm so worried that I'm going to go all nuts, quadruple in size, turn green and stomp all over everything.

I'm a bride to be. I'm planing a wedding. I love it when people ask me about it. I love talking to people about their wedding. And for a little while longer, it's going to be the most important thing I've got going on. And that's quite all right.

Where do I begin?

I contemplated waiting until February 14th to post something again, but the point of this blog is to write when I feel so moved - so, I'm writing. And while it hasn't been exactly two months since my last post, as it would have been on the 14th, it's long overdue.

It's overwhelming sitting here thinking of how much can happen in two months. Really overwhelming. Wonderfully so.

Madilynn Renee was born on December 7th. My prayers were answered and she arrived before I left the country. I've been surrounded by babies and kids my whole life. I have some very special connections to some wonderful little ones out there, whether through nannying or having friends that keep having babies :). But, so far in my life, nothing compares to how I felt when I held that tiny butt for the first time. I have lots more to say about her birth, but I'll save that for a special time. 

The day before I was leaving the country, my friend Ali had her third baby, a boy. Gracin Adair was born! I'd put a picture up but I haven't even met him yet! How depressing is that? But, tonight is the night! I can't wait to kiss his precious face! Between being away, the holidays and the NeverEndingSnow.2011 we've had to cancel more plans then I care to remember... but no more! I can't wait to hug my friend (and bridesmaid!) and meet her baby boy.

On December 15th, my family and I (fiancé included) took off to Mexico. It was the perfect trip. Ok... no, prefect is just unerealistic... the 'shuttle' ride from the airport to the hotel made us all a little claustrophobic and queasy, the first day I was there I had awful stomach pains, my brother got a stomach bug of sorts, we were such a big group that the restaurant couldn't accommodate sitting us all together.... but, that's it. Silly little things that honestly, I had to think hard about to even remember. No flight delays. No one lost anything. The weather was perfect. Everyone was there. We got amazing pictures, ate great food, but most of all made lifelong memories. Tyler was a hit with the cousins. (Duh!). It was the greatest gift. Time with my family in paradise... I could ask for nothing else. 

                                       (Shame on Me for not having any Christmas Eve pictures!)

Tyler and I at the Stone Zoo light display - Last Christmas as a Scanlon!

Best meal of the year!

Then came Christmas...always a favorite of mine, but it was made very special this year by spending Christmas Eve with my new Family-In-Law! We had delicious Chinese food, got spoiled, and "Skyped" with Tyler's brother, his girlfriend and her son! It was a blast. It felt awesome to get to be with them! 

The new year brought a new job. I'm a full time nanny for two girls. Ella is 3 years old. She's bold, confident, smart, stubborn, remembers everything, loves purple and sometimes pink and insists on wearing at least one princess dress a day. Ava is 10 months old. She's sweet, smiley, observant and her sister's biggest fan. She is more than ready to walk, she just has to get the moves down. The first week here was hard. Ella is still in the "who is this baby and why is she taking your attention away from me?" phase. On top of that transition, she was going to go to a new school, seeing grandma less as they went to Florida for the winter (jealous), and a new face was being introduced to her every day life. To say she was testing the limits with me would be an understatement. But, I think we have come to find a place of mutual respect and patience. I love working so close to home (6 minute drive) and getting to play with such girly girls! We have fun together. 

I guess those are the highlights of the last two months. And I didn't even mention my wedding! But there is way too much to say on that subject to add it onto this mess! 

I think that planning themes to my week/days or just post in general will help me know how to write more. Any thoughts?