Something magical about D.C.

I don't know what it is about D.C, but I loved it deeply before I'd ever even been here. I really don't have any time to spend here but just driving in and instantly spotting the Washington Memorial and being inundated with signs for every tourist stop imaginable gets me all giddy.

The giddiness is only amplified by the fact that I just had the most gorgeous drive through VA. I stop a couple times and just took in every brightly colored leaf, run down been-there-for-ages building and twist and turn in the road. It was great.

I've needed the time to think. And reflect. Nothing big or dramatic, just to really take in all the changes. It's been my M.O. previously to avoid change - as in, I'd let it happen, realize it was happening but then completely fail to process it. Sometimes intentional, sometimes not. But, it went un-dealt with none the less. And of course, as un-touched emotional transitions do, they would they explode inside of me. Leaving me with that private battle inside of me. Everyone else had moved on - or at least to the outside world, what I was feeling should be old news. That's how I'd end up, surrounded by people, feeling lonely. Because, changes would happen, I'd put on a brave face, "move on", people'd stop asking - and BOOM. Luckily, some of the greatest times of personal growth I've ever had were during those times of finally facing whatever change it was at the time. Hence, being able to know myself well enough to know that with out this long drive to process, think, reflect - I'd end up in Boston, 6 months from now, crying cause I'd made the wrong decision, left people I love, and messed everything up. And with a wedding on the way, no one needs that! ( Reading this back it sounds so dramatic - but, let's be honest- aren't our own inner turmoils always dramatic to us? I don't say any of this expecting anyone else to think "Oh, the horror!" but, to me, whatever those little things that I couldn't deal with were - they were hard. We all have our own battles, struggles, hurdles... no need to compare them to others. My lowest point in life might seem like a walk in the park to someone else, and that sucks! It's so unfair! But to me, it was still my lowest point. Am I making sense? I think I just got scared I was starting to sound like a baby, and wanted to make it clear that I wasn't trying to be dramatic, or look for any kind of pity... but we still all go through, and deal with our own crap, in our own way. Right?)

Today, I found myself swinging on a swing on Lake Anna in VA (gorgeous!) and wanting to cry - thinking of all I had just left. And thinking of how I'd left some of it. Going through the positive and negative emotions of looking over any big chunk of your life. It's always great to look back, learn - but, sometimes it's torture.

OK - that tangent is bumming me out - and right now, what I really want to focus on is D.C. - (See! Avoiding! What did I tell ya?!) But talk about people watching! I'm in Starbucks (Thank you, Mondi's for my gift card!!!!) The city is just a-buzz. Maybe yesterday was a big day for D.C., I don't really know the geographic details of it all. Blissfully ignorant! Mostly, I'm sure I'm just no longer used to the hustle and bustle of a big city! There is a definite business crowd. Suits. Briefcases. The works. Then there are the people next to me talking about Nancy Pelowsi (in a way that makes it clear they know her), and all other kind of D.C. political jibber jabber. By just observing people walking by, there seems to be some kind of artsy crowd - I could sit here for hours. However, I've got people waiting on me! Patiently. But, waiting.

So, again I will leave feeling like I have so much more to say. You spend this much time alone in a car and you are bound to build up all kinds of thoughts! But, I've still got a long road ahead!

It's safe. I promise. 

Clouds. God. 

Me posing with a canon on a VA battlefield. 

Ok. This is a weird picture... cause It just looks like I'm lounging in the dirt... but, that was the scenic view I'd walk to in the background but failed to capture... 

P.S. This song just came on in Starbucks : )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mc5oqjFsT5g