Wife...Me?

There is no pretty way to say this... but, I've never thought much of myself in the role of a wife. I'm still learning how to be friend... I've been spending so much time worrying about being a girlfriend... I've always known I wanted to be a fiancée for as long as humanly possible... And goodness knows I've got the bride role down...

But, a wife.

I'm too stubborn. Too independent. I'm selfish with my time. My heart can be pretty guarded. I love being alone.  I want to be in total control of my life. I'd rather watching nothing at all then something I'm not in the mood too watch. I'm too messy. I like to argue, win and have the final say. I move like an earthquake when I sleep. I hate mornings. I love my last name.

I have amazing examples of wonderful, loving, patient, honest wives all around me... most people would be inspired. I find myself mostly intimidated.

I've really been thinking about this a lot lately.

"It's going to happen soon."

"I can't have it all figured out, right away."

"Why doesn't he seems more nervous about being a husband?"

"He's going to be my husband. How amazing. He's going to be the perfect husband for me."

It was that train of thought, and a very specific incident last night with Tyler that really opened my eyes...

It was a full on Oprah-Ah-HA!-Moment.

It's just not about being a wife. It's not about the cookie cutter image that a wife is projected to be by... whoever. It's about being his wife. It's about marrying and spending the rest of my life with Tyler.

And that is a much less intimidating thought.

I can turn my selfish self into someone who lives to care for him. I can be his other half. His partner. His wife.

He couldn't possibly make it any easier for me.

He secretly likes how stubborn I am. He's just as independent as I am. "My" time seems so lost without him. He tore through my guard a very long time ago - and even though it might inch up every now and again, he's a pro at making it disappear. Besides the fact that being with him is sometimes better then being alone, he likes his alone time too. We're constantly teaching and reminding each other that we can't be in control of every aspect of our life. He tends to let me pick what we watch. I like cleaning, laundry-ing, dish washing-ing for him. He lets me argue, pretend I always win and he just leaves me laughing. He keeps me calm and steady. I love the thought of waking up next to him. I can't wait to be "Mrs Cameron".