Tonight is Step 1.
As I type, I'm moving out of the Extended Stay hotel I've been staying at for a few months. It's been an interesting experience (remind me to tell you about it later)... but on Sunday, two angels descended from the heavens and offered to let me stay with them for the remainder of my time in Augusta.
So, like a mad person I under estimated how much useless junk I had, tried to pack it all alone, rush it to my car/storage...and totally exhausted myself.
Here I am tonight, just about ready to check out and it hit me...
I'm going to leave here to move in with a wonderful family for a couple weeks. From there, I'll head back up to Boston and move in with my parents for about a year until it's wedding time!
What that means is that tonight is very likely going to be the last night that I live alone or "on my own".
Kind of a crazy thought.
I'm so bad at change.
There are so many amazing and exciting reasons for going home. It's what I want, no question. It's still home. It's where my fiancé is! And my family. I can't wait.
And yet...
I'm so bad at change.
Goodbyes.
Leaving my comfort zone.
Packing.
Driving.
I hate to be having such a lame, petty, public pity party... especially when really I'm so excited to be going home but there is definitely a part of me that can't help but feel physically and emotionally drained. While I never really felt like Augusta and I clicked, there is still a melancholic feeling. I've learned so much about myself (more to come), made so many mistakes, and even more memories - it's been my two years on my own. I've given my heart to 3 little boys, and grown so much with God and figuring out who me is, and what me needs, and what me wants.
However, in addition to being lucky in another billion ways, the one I keep focusing on of late is how lucky I am to see a "light at the end of a tunnel" (dramatic...).
I know with complete certainty that no matter what happens between now and the day I make it to my parents house, that the moment I first sit on those comfy green couches... after a big hug from all of my favorite people...everything will fade away. The stress, the emotions, the exhaustion won't mean anything anymore.
So no matter how tired and stressed out I am, I thank God every morning...and every night... and a few times in between... that it's just temporary.
A short crazy train leading to the best year of my life!
I had to take this 2 a.m. break from my 72 hour packing party to remind myself why I'm doing all this... that's it's only temporary and that I am just simply one of the luckiest people in the world.
No more pity parties!
Well, I'll try really hard :) I'm sure that once the wedding planning gets underway, and as things don't go my way I'll have plenty more pity parties... but anyone reading is allowed to slap me out of it! And remind me how lucky I am!
I'm in love. Head over heels. Marrying my best friend. Moving back in with my wonderful family. Counting the minutes until I get to meet Madilynn Renee. Getting a dream vacation in Mexico. Enjoying winter and Christmas.
So many things to be grateful for.
Also, I'm sure that over the next year, I'll be asking for a lot of wedding advice and have a lot of questions so please help! :)
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| Daddy, Tyler, Me, Mom Moments after the proposal Logan Square Philadelphia, PA |
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